


John 'Three Continents of Food' Watson

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Asexual Sherlock, Food Kink, Food Porn, Food Sex, Inappropriate Humor, It's either funny or sexy, John "Three Continents" Watson, Masturbation, Masturbation Interruptus, Other, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-12 23:52:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5686435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John 'Three Continents' Watson wasn't talking about his experience with women (and/or men), but with the various food stuffs he's fucked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John 'Three Continents of Food' Watson

**Author's Note:**

> This is an in-joke between me and my friends, but I thought it was funny enough to share. I, of all people, know this is an actual kink too. So it falls under both my awful humour AND as erotica. My favourite.

Sherlock had gone out, another one of his 'leave-me-alone' cases, it was the perfect opportunity. It had been a while since Dr Watson had found himself alone in his flat, and theres only one thing to do when you're alone...

Make a sandwich.

Tearing open the bread, he slams the slices down on the breadboard. His pracised hands swipe butter onto the slices with a single, expert movement. John Watson is famously good with his hands. He opts for simply ham today, a classic. Sometimes a good old ham job is all you need. Laying thick slice of premium honeyied ham onto the bread, John licks his lips hungrily. He finishes off his sandwich by sensually setting one slice over the other.

Lifting his finished work, he relocates to the table. Once there, he leans back in his chair and has an excited giggle. It had been too long. Far too long. He places his sandwich carefully on the table, before dipping his hands to his belt. Yanking it free, he lobs it across the room, hitting the floor with a clunk. Next, he undoes his jeans and underwear, sliding them down part ways so his already hardened cock is bared to the world. He smiles lasciviously and runs his cool hand along his hot length.

He gives himself a few tantalising strokes, sighing happily at the sensation, before picking up his sandwich. Carefully, he peels a small opening between the slices and slides his cock into it. The soft texture of the bread brushing his tip, sending sparks of pleasure through him. A pleasured sigh rolls from his tongue. The slick, strange coldness of the ham clashing with the dry heat of his skin. He almost came right then. Instead, he begins to shift the sandwich-pussy up and down his length, slowly at first. He grins, unbelievavly aroused, and thinks about Sherlock walking in. About him watching, seeing his best friend fucking a sandwich. What would he say? Would it get HIM off too?

That would be an interesting case to blog about - _A study in sandwiches_.  
Stifling a laugh, he picked up his pace and forgot thinking. Right now all that mattered was getting off. His hips bucked up into the sandwich as he tightened the pressure, groaning deeply. Faster, harder. He was going fast now, the grotesque sound of ham slapping against his skin filling the air. His cock was bursting with sensation, slick precum mixing with melting butter, a thick wetness dripping onto his thighs. It was so hot. John was gasping dryly, mouth having fallen open and his senses all but lost. Suddenly, it was all too much and he was exploding.

He squeezes the folds of the sandwich closed, cock rippling and pulsing as he shoots hot, thick spurts of cum deep into it.

\--

"John, do try not to waste food." Sherlocked comments, staring at the mangled ham sandwich in the bin.  
"Sorry." He replies sheepisly. "I accidentally used mayonnaise instead of butter."


End file.
